Late night TV

Sometime Sunday morning, 11 July,2010'

Camilla and I just suffered through one of Gary Trudeau's money-making, or was it money-finding infomercials, and then, Wanda Argersinger' s favorite infomercial marketeer, Montel, followed Trudeau with, hmmm, I don't remember what Montel was selling tonight. I'm so disgusted with him now I don't pay attention to him.

The Sylvia Brown episodes, puke, turned me against Montel.

And then, EEEGGGAAAAADS!

What the TV station did was Ghastly!

They had an infomercial with Joan Rivers pitching beauty products for legs.

I didn't need to see that!

What I want to know is "Who is her plastic surgeon?"

That guy could become a Zillonaire doing bookcovers 'cause he is without a doubt the greatest graphic artist the world has seen since Leonardo.

©-2010-Jay Hudson

http://jayhudsononw heels.blogspot. com/

The vagaries of sleep apnea.

8 July, 2010

I had to have another sleep study done Tuesday night, 6 July, 2010. This was the fourth time.

I have no idea why it has taken so many times for the doctors to determine what type of breathing machine to put me on and what pressure to set it on.

I had the first test done at Duke University Medical Center last winter. That test was not good enough for my pulmonologist at First Health Moore Regional. He ordered another test which I reluctantly took.

I hate having all those wires on my head and a mask over my face, except during episodes of acute heart failure when I am thrilled that the EMS folks have it with them on the ambulance.

On my previous two tests the sleep technician named Ronnie was assigned to me. Ronnie is a genial fellow and we hit it off from the start. He is retired from the Air Force on disability due to an accident as a cargo handler on aircraft. He recovered enough to work a civilian job.

The prepping for the sleep study requires sanding the body in various places so wires can be attached with adhesive. It felt like Ronnie was using 36 grit industrial grade sandpaper on my scalp when he was prepping me. After several minutes of vigorous sanding on one particular spot I asked Ronnie,

" How do you know when you have sanded enough meat off?"

He replied with a quick wit, "When it starts bleeding I know I have sanded enough."

Amid all the pain I found enough strength to chuckle at Ronnie's wit. With every comment I made Ronnie was quick with a humorous retort. It was fun working with him, even though the sanding was painful.

I had two studies done with Ronnie as the technician, so we got to know each other a bit more.

He was disabled while off-loading cargo from a high-flying C-130 transport plane. The cargo shifted just before exiting the plane and it crushed his legs at the knees. Lucky he was attached to a safety harness to keep him from being sucked off the plane.His Air Force career ended with his disability, but he eventually recovered and went into a medical career.

Tuesday night he was prepping a patient in another room when I checked in. He heard my voice and immediately stuck a gloved arm out the door and said, "Hudson, I'm going to knock out you as soon as I finish getting blood from this patient."

I love Ronnie's good-natured banter, so I replied, "Ronnie, the office manager in the hospital has put me on the payroll since I've had to come back so many times. She said to have you go ahead and pay me one weeks pay in advance. Just make the check out to Cash."

"I'm still gonna knock you out when I finish in here," He said.

I giggled out, "Yeah, and the next time you fly, I'll push you out with the cargo too."

Ronnie was not my technician Tuesday night. Jordan was. Jordan did a great job of wiring me up to all the sensors, but he had to try a dozen breathing masks before he found one that would fit my know skinny face.

It was 2:00 A.M. before we finally settled down to work.

Jordan turned out the lights and left the room to go to his work station to observe me under infrared cameras and audio equipment.

There is a checklist of things to do to make sure every sensor is working properly.

Jordan 's voice came over the intercom and he said,"Blink your eyes ten times. Now, turn your eyes from right to left ten times. Hold your breath and move your stomach up and down ten times. Bend the toes on your left foot forward and backward ten times. Now do the same with the right foot.

Good! Everything is working. You can go to sleep now."

I fell into a light sleep. I didn't think I was sleeping at all. The white noise from the machine was not white enough to wipe out the discomfort from air under pressure being forced up my nose. After a minute my nose started to itch. No way to scratch it,so I used psychology and just blocked it out of my mind.

After thirty minutes my nose was on fire from the burning, and I now had a headache to go with it. I asked Jordan to bring me Tylenol.

He did!

I went back into what I was sure was a light snooze. Jordan came over the intercom again and said ,"Okay, Mr. Hudson.We are stopping the study now. We have some really good information for the doctor to work with."

I looked at my watch and it was 6:00 A.M. I was thrilled to end the study. I didn't think of it as a study. I was thinking "ordeal."

Jordan came in and took the mask off first, then unhooked the gazillion wires attached to me. I was so relieved to get that mess off that I made up my mind I will never have another sleep study done. I don't care what the doctors say. I've had enough sleep studies done. I know I have sleep apnea. The doctors know I have it

As Duran once said "No Mas! I've had enough too!

©-2010-Jay Hudson

Uncle John's Rough Riding Days

Uncle John's Rough Riding Days

Great-g...Uncle John had been drifting all over the West after the War of Northern Aggression. He was attempting to soothe his ravaged soul after the brutally bloody fighting around The Angle at Gettysburg on July 3.
As his blood spilled out at a honey locust, the only tree left standing on Cemetery Ridge, the last words he heard that day were "My God,my God,We could have won.We could have won!"

He had eaten Texas dust for forty years as a Texas Ranger, trying to put the pieces of his life back together.
He never did. All the drinking, all the women, all the gambling, all the killing only caused the nightmares to grow in terror.
His last official Ranger work was when he rode across the Plano and trailed along with Deputy U.S. Marshall, Pat Garrett, who was tracking down Henry McCarty, who also went by the name, Henry Antrim, and William Bonney. A newspaperman had tagged him as Billy the Kid, and the name stuck.

When Garrett and the Kid finally met they both reached for their guns. Garrett was quicker on the draw.
He became an instant hero in New Mexico, until ruthless ranchers turned on him and had him bushwacked.

All the troubles had deeply affected Great g...Uncle John. He had always abhorred violence, but the War had forever changed his life. He decided to try one more time to lead the narrow way so he could make peace with his maker.
He decided to give up his drinking, his gambling, and his whoring, and seek respectable employment that was less stressful.
He had met President Theodore Roosevelt in Washington when he accompanied Pat Garrett to have his photo taken with the President.
Roosevelt admired brave lawmen who were handy with a gun.

Great ....Uncle John took the train to Washington and applied in person for one of the new park ranger jobs Roosevelt was passing out with his new parks program.

President Roosevelt liked Uncle John, but he had to ask him a few questions to make everything all proper.

" John,you have a lot of blood on you hands. How do you account for all that?" Said Teddy.

"Mr. President, it was all in self defense, but I never liked killing any man."

"I've heard that you have gambled and played poker all your life," Said the Rough Rider.

"Yes Sir, I know the difference between a straight and a flush." Replied Uncle John, as he fidgeted in his chair. This wasn't going the way he expected.

"Well, I've heard rumors that you kept unsavory women in your hotel rooms all your life, at least since the War," Said the President.

" Mr. President, I reckon that could be true, but I don't know for sure 'cause I've been drunk since the War ended, that is, until the last few weeks when I heard a Baptist preacher tell me how wicked I was for helping Pat Garrett fetch Billy the Kid. Billy had become a folk hero among lots of people. He was a charismatic ladies man. When Pat was dry-gulched I figured it was time to make things right, so's I quit my drinking right then."

"Mr. Secretary,type up the appointment for my signature. We have our newest park ranger, " Said Teddy, with a wide grin, and reaching across his desk to shake John's hand.

©-2010-Jay Hudson