Friday, August 24, 2007

Popsicles and P..sants!

24 august,200

Popsicles and P..sants!

This is the truth.

Most of you know I only write true fiction,but it is absolutely true in this case.

Did you ever buy a real honest-to-goodness Popsicle in the grammar school lunchroom?Do you remember the red coupons on the back of the wrapper?
Did you ever save them until you had enough to order prizes from the little catalogs that the ice cream man passed out in the lunchroom?
Did you ever race other kids onto the playground after lunch so you could pick up Popsicle wrappers other kids threw on the ground.

Remember those days?

That catalog had a neat little motorboat I wanted.Never got it though!

It had a genuine imitation baseball glove that I did get.Don't remember how many wrappers it cost.
I played with it a couple of summers before I wore the vinyl out.

Well,there I was one day, in Mrs.Gore's 4th grade class, after a busy lunch-break of picking up Popsicle wrappers.

I must have picked up a 100 that day.My lunch bag was crammed full of them,along with a few drips and drops of various flavors of Popsicles,orange,grape,strawberry,and the always popular FudgeSicle.

I didn't know it when I picked up the wrappers,but a colony of P--sants had taken up residence in a few of the wrappers.The little corn-syrup farmers were working away out of my sight.

I rushed inside to my seat just as the last bell was ringing.I shoved the bag of valuable pickin's inside my desk drawer so they would be out of sight.

Mr's Gore stood up in front of the class and started lecturing about whatever the subject was.I don't remember because all I could think of was what was inside my left ear chomping away on my ear drum.

It sounded like elephants at a carnival.

I stuck a finger in my ear and wiggled it in deep as I could.

Didn't help at all.

I was getting frantic and squirming around in my seat by that time.

By this time,Mrs. Gore noticed the disturbance and was staring straight at me.

"James,what is the matter with you,boy?"

"P---ants got in my ear,Mrs. Gore.They must have been on my Popsicle wrappers and somehow got in my ear."

"Well,I'll just teach all you hillbilly's about what happens when you pick up trash and bring it in class."

She was eyeing me like that Wicked Witch of the East as she marched right up to my desk and grabbed me by the left ear, and draging me to the sink along the wall where the hand paints were stored.

I was the shyiest boy you ever saw.If there ever was a school nerd,it was me.

I turned red as a stop-light as she forced my head under the faucet and turned the water wide open while everybody in class stared at me.

She soaked me from head-to-toe.I thought she was going to rip my ear off before she drowned me.She must have drowned all the ants though.I didn't see any of them,and I couldn't tell if they were still in my ear because I couldn't hear a thing out of that ear the rest of the day.

I always thought she looked like the witch from Oz.

But she had a pretty daughter!

Copyright-2007-Jay Hudson-All rights resertved.


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