Popsicles and P..sants!

24 august,200

Popsicles and P..sants!

This is the truth.

Most of you know I only write true fiction,but it is absolutely true in this case.

Did you ever buy a real honest-to-goodness Popsicle in the grammar school lunchroom?Do you remember the red coupons on the back of the wrapper?
Did you ever save them until you had enough to order prizes from the little catalogs that the ice cream man passed out in the lunchroom?
Did you ever race other kids onto the playground after lunch so you could pick up Popsicle wrappers other kids threw on the ground.

Remember those days?

That catalog had a neat little motorboat I wanted.Never got it though!

It had a genuine imitation baseball glove that I did get.Don't remember how many wrappers it cost.
I played with it a couple of summers before I wore the vinyl out.

Well,there I was one day, in Mrs.Gore's 4th grade class, after a busy lunch-break of picking up Popsicle wrappers.

I must have picked up a 100 that day.My lunch bag was crammed full of them,along with a few drips and drops of various flavors of Popsicles,orange,grape,strawberry,and the always popular FudgeSicle.

I didn't know it when I picked up the wrappers,but a colony of P--sants had taken up residence in a few of the wrappers.The little corn-syrup farmers were working away out of my sight.

I rushed inside to my seat just as the last bell was ringing.I shoved the bag of valuable pickin's inside my desk drawer so they would be out of sight.

Mr's Gore stood up in front of the class and started lecturing about whatever the subject was.I don't remember because all I could think of was what was inside my left ear chomping away on my ear drum.

It sounded like elephants at a carnival.

I stuck a finger in my ear and wiggled it in deep as I could.

Didn't help at all.

I was getting frantic and squirming around in my seat by that time.

By this time,Mrs. Gore noticed the disturbance and was staring straight at me.

"James,what is the matter with you,boy?"

"P---ants got in my ear,Mrs. Gore.They must have been on my Popsicle wrappers and somehow got in my ear."

"Well,I'll just teach all you hillbilly's about what happens when you pick up trash and bring it in class."

She was eyeing me like that Wicked Witch of the East as she marched right up to my desk and grabbed me by the left ear, and draging me to the sink along the wall where the hand paints were stored.

I was the shyiest boy you ever saw.If there ever was a school nerd,it was me.

I turned red as a stop-light as she forced my head under the faucet and turned the water wide open while everybody in class stared at me.

She soaked me from head-to-toe.I thought she was going to rip my ear off before she drowned me.She must have drowned all the ants though.I didn't see any of them,and I couldn't tell if they were still in my ear because I couldn't hear a thing out of that ear the rest of the day.

I always thought she looked like the witch from Oz.

But she had a pretty daughter!

Copyright-2007-Jay Hudson-All rights resertved.

Barry Bond's Did it,but Oprah Hasn't ,Yet!

24 August,2007

Barry Bond's Did it,but Oprah Hasn't,Yet!

I get all kinds of crazy ideas of things to write about when I've got my "observation-doppler-powered -organic cassette recorder turned on."

A couple weeks ago I thought about posting a Barry Bonds piece on my blog.

I never liked BB because of his arrogant attitude.The man was born with a silver spoon,so I guess he can be arrogant if he wants to.

It doesn't matter if the man used steroids, or not.Steroids would not have affected his ability to hit a baseball.The drugs might have enabled him to hit the balll farther,but he is a big man,so he would hit homers anyway,regardless of the drugs.Hitting a baseball is all about hand-eye co-ordination,and Barry has that,no doubt.

The other thing is my friend,Oprah.She doesn't know it yet though.


A long time ago I quit buying that truthful,scandalous National Enquirer because of the high price of truth.
It cost to much.

Yesterday I was in the grocery store checkout with my cart full of ice cream,when I just peeked at the cover of the National Enquirer.There,perched right on the front cover was my friend ,Oprah.I naturally picked it up and read the blurb."Oprah to give Stedman $250 million so he won't live the rest of his life in poverty after she leaves him."

Don't quote me on that exactly.I don't think their blurb was that long,but it said the same thing.

Heheheheh! Immediately I got to wondering why a TV-white woman like Oprah hooked up with Stedman in the first place. :)

"Don't get mad at me ,Oprah.I'm just teasing you.

We all fall in love with the wrong people at least once in our life.

Your friend,
Jay Hudson

PS
I put my last name there so you won't won't confuse me with Jay Leno.

The hole in it all!

The Hole in It All !

24 August,2007.

I keep up with scientific things because I am a scientist at heart.When I was in school I had big dreams,but no plans.I was interested in everything except literary matters,Beowolf and such.EEEk!I kept scrapbooks of scientific stuff,especially the space program,rockets,space,the universe,etc.I have always tussled with physicists who mess with theories of origin and nuclear particles,human origins,etc.I believe the Big Bang theory. I think the entire "she-bang" we know as "our universe" was created in one gigantic cosmic explosion,just like a balloon expanding rapidly.

A couple of days ago I was watching PBS TV when they were advertising a show later this week.They happened to mention "the universe has no edges and no center.

"What?

I don't know who the mis-guided physicist was who came up with that idea,but Jaybird doesn't see it that way at all.The universe does indeed have edges,just like the surface of a balloon.No matter which direction an astronomer looks,he sees galaxies that are about 13.5 billion years away,in every direction.Does that suggest a spherical universe to you? It does to me.

The reason I'm mentioning any of this is because I just saw the news yesterday where astronomers have just found a giant "hole" in space where there is "NOTHING." Nothing but a giant hole with a diameter of over 2 billion light-years.Keep in mind that the universe is about 13.5 billion years old.

My God! Don't they realize they have just discovered the "center" of our universe?

OF COURSE it would be a gigantic hole!The reason is because at the moment of the Big Bang ,all the matter in the universe was rapidly expanding AWAY from the Center Point.

Cosmic Zero!

Have you ever had one of those little soapy things you blow through and make bubbles fly everywhere?Did you have one as a kid?Do you have grandchildren who play with them?Have you ever watched a trail of bubbles floating away across the yard?Can you imagine the blackness of what we call space, as being full of little soap-bubble universes floating everywhere you look in space?

Could there really be alternate universes just like soap bubbles from a childs toy?

Jay Hudson
writer-author